Insanus et Inculta (Hiatus)
by Eat Cheese Everyday
Summary: The stories of the legendary Dragonborn have varied over the centuries. The people of Skyrim have been blessed with Red Andrew, who is more or less a walking apocalypse. So lock your doors, hide your kids and hide your wife. A tornado of irresponsible fists is coming to a computer screen near you! (If you click on this hyperlink.) Features two main protagonists and two pairings.


**(A/N) Greetings friends, I've returned from my short holiday with a new title that I hope you will enjoy, based off of one my real Skyrim characters, Saryn Talarius, or 'Red Andrew'. He was a Dunmer extortionist who simply wished to change his fortunes in Skyrim after being chased out by the Morag Tong. Yes, another protagonist with a less-than-angelic background but high morality just isn't for me. Of course, the greatest heroes of our age ascend from the humblest of beginnings. This was most certainly one of them.**

**So without further ado, I give you… Insanus et Inculta – Insane and Careless.**

**For those of you who have read my Mass Effect story "The Rise of the Allfathers", you are about to be greeted by an old friend. I'm not recycling OCs, and God knows I hate to, but I received a few petitions by 3****rd**** party readers who simply wanted him back in. Can you tell who I'm referring to yet? I think you can.**

**Pairings: Dovahkiin/Harem, OC/Elenwen and possibly some other miscellaneous ones, but they won't really effect the story now will they?**

Disclaimer: I don't own The Elder scrolls series, as much as I would like.

_Outside Markarth, The Reach, Skyrim – 23:42_

High inquisitor Falendil Darisari dismounted his horse and let his boots fall upon the mossy stone that made up the grand platform to Markarth's gates. Oh how he hated being here, how he hated Skyrim, how he hated humanity! But this was a task that had to be done, and if his venture was successful, he and his charge would be able to eliminate two, or possibly three high-priority enemies of the Thalmor… No, not three, she hadn't defected, she was being held hostage, it made perfect sense, and the individuals responsible will be brought to justice.

Falendil climbed the stairs with his platoon of six uniformed guards trotting behind him in two equally divided lines of three. Like the loyal subordinates they were, he didn't need them, Divines no. They were just for show, a warning to those who decide to wrong the Thalmor that they'd have these people behind him to answer to.

He climbed the steps of the far right of inner Markarth. Many of the streets in Markarth had been closed off from the public. No-one was to be allowed in or out of the city regardless of station, no. Not while _he _was around, the most trusted accomplice of this so-called 'Dragonborn', he'd yield, even if they had to torture him within an inch of his life. Red Andrew must and will die.

He climbed the steps up to one of the known bases of the Dragonborn. His house, Vlindrel hall. The human was in there, and he'd have his answers. The Thalmor shall prevail!

Falendil nodded to the elven guard outside the door on the right. He unlocked the door and slid it open for him, like he should.

* * *

><p>Falendil scoured the vast space of bounty before him. Never before had he seen such beauty in such a dull and lifeless land. The inside of the house glittered within every inch, every piece of furniture was burdened with heavy loads of gold, weapon racks gripped some of the finest blades he'd ever seen, the alchemy lab was filled with expensive clothes, mainly silks with gold woven in. Jewels were carelessly scattered on the dining table, and the chests by the fireplace looked like they were on the verge of bursting open.<p>

Oh yes, there was no doubt in his mind that this place belonged to that filthy Dunmer. But he had to hand it to Andrew; he was a great thief, if not lucky. Two guards stood side by side a large wooden arm chair, sat upon it was a figure in black armour, a large hood shrouded his face.

"How nice," the hooded figure spoke in a light but throaty tone "company."

"Silence _human_!" The High inquisitor hated humans, but he hated this particular one even more. "You will speak when you're spoken to! Now, as I'm sure you're aware I have questions for you."

The cloaked man chuckled; did he not realize how much danger he was in? Was he really as insane as people made out? Or was he just an imbecile? Both probably.

"And what makes you believe I'll cooperate, High inquisitor?" he said, pretending to admire his nails, even though he was wearing gloves.

Falendil charged forward, backhanding this piece of refuse and grabbing him by the throat, he may have the body of a weak and feeble quill-pusher, but Faelendil knew how to handle himself in an unarmed brawl, and was adept at 'hand to hand' torture.

"Because if you don't, I shall spend the next weekend slowly stripping every last inch of your damned creamy-coloured human skin, and set you on fire whilst you are nailed to The Blue palace! Then laugh as you watch your precious race slaughtered by your superiors!"

The man laughed, "Whatever you do to me, I can guarantee that me and my good buddy Andrew will do ten-thousand times worse to you once he rescues me, and I guarantee it will not be quick, nor painless."

Falendil resisted the urge to cold-cock this pathetic human, but thought better of it, if he was to answer these questions, he'd need all his teeth.

"Do I need to remind you of what you and Andrew have done? What you've done to the Dominion? What you've done to the world?! This is all your fault! You have disrupted the natural balance and condemned us all to a war that could very well destroy everything! Men and Mer!"

The human laughed lightly, "It was inevitable, Red Andrew and I merely increased the odds winning. Well, our odds at least. Oh, and if you're going to refer to the greatest thief of all time since the Grey Fox, at least refer to him properly. Show some respect for heavens' sake!"

Falendil let loose a hearty laugh, "You think you two were heroes? You were nothing more than a cancer upon the world. Two little thugs who couldn't leave well enough alone. You deserve no respect; you deserve nothing more than the fiercest justice that the Dominion can dream up!"

Falendil wasn't one to lose his cool, especially on the job. But this particular human was renowned for getting under people's skin, which made him easy-ish to track down, just bribe his enemies to give up his location.

"Now, where is Red Andrew?"

The human thought hard and was silent for a while, if humans can think. Can they think? Maybe.

"Honestly? I haven't a clue. It's likely you know more than me."

Falendil narrowed his eyes; there wasn't anything he could do to divulge the truth, so he'd have to take his word for it.

Something he hated doing.

"That doesn't matter, that wasn't only thing I wanted to know." He said, earning an exhausted sigh from his prisoner. "I also want to know how it happened."

The human perked his head up in interest. "How what happened?"

The elf looked at him more sternly. "How Andrew happened." The human scowled at him again for the improper use of his title. Then his scowl uplifted into a dark smile.

"It'll take a while to explain."

"I have time."

"You may need to take notes."

"I have a very accurate memory, believe me. That's how I got this job."

The Breton smiled, "You'll need to hear the entire story, right from the beginning…"

"…The very beginning."

**(A/N) Prologue's done. So what do you guys think? Yes? No? Potentially? All comments, compliments and criticisms are welcome so long as they're constructive. A handful of you may feel that this prologue is similar to the Dragon Age II opening scene, couldn't help myself. I love openings like that. Until next time my loyal readers!**

**Eat Cheese Everyday**


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